Welcome to the Compatible Connections Blog!

Find The One ~ Must Know & Must Do TeleClass Tuesday Night May 22nd 7 pm EST

Don’t miss the opportunity to discover this expert’s “secret sauce” Tuesday night May 22nd 7 p.m.

MUST KNOW: 3 Seriously Devastating Mistakes That Scare Good Guys Away! All divorced women do this without knowing it.
MUST DO: The Secret Sauce of Knowing how to meet ONLY Compatible Men and never have another bad date! Not one client came to my practice with this knowledge. And today they’ve with partners they adore!

What’s in it for you? Plenty! Free Stuff,  Cash and a GUARANTEE! TeleClass will be limited to participants so act NOW. They fill up quickly.

THIS COMING TUESDAY NIGHT – MAY 22 from 7-8 pm You’re dating life will never be the same after only one hour. Don’t miss out. Here’s what you need to turn your dating experiences around right after this call.

1. The 3 MUST KNOW seriously devastating mistakes highly successful women make when dating after divorce that scares away the “good guys” and instead attracts the same wrong guy over and over. (This is the biggest reason you are stuck in this negative dating loop.)
2. The #1 MUST DO if you ever want to meet that one quality compatible partner. This is not negotiable and it’s the main reason divorced women never meet “the one.”
3. The surprisingly simple and counter-intuitive strategy my clients are using to get the high-quality guys to pursue them and treat them like a prize, so they get into that loving relationship soon rather than later.

4. A guarantee that you will be dating differently after this expert shares her “secret sauce.” No more bad dates! Meet only men you’ll like!

DETAILS: Contact Me to register.  This TeleClass will be limited with participants so everyone has a personal experience!

Join Bernadette M. Smith, MCC,  Dating Mentor for divorced women, for this Master TeleClass Made Easy for You To Attend. Just pick up the phone and call in! YES, you don’t need a good hair day or have to leave the comfort of your own home for these proven hot dating tips most single women are clueless about!

Participants will be given $25.00 to apply toward any Compatible Connections Service.

Visit our website www.bernadettemsmith.com and collect
2 Free Download Gifts:
1. Why You’re Not in a Relationship Yet. This scored assessment tells you why.
2. What Online Dating Sites Don’t Want You to Know! Why most people fail.

If you are serious about finding your perfect match don’t miss this opportunity. You deserve “True Love.”


Ready To Date? We Have Your Back! – TeleClass May 22nd 7 to 8 pm EST


Hello Fabulous Single! We Have Your Back!

I know divorced women … You are smart, successful and accomplished and you feel pretty good a lot of the time. You have a great career, great home, great friends and even great kids. You seem to have it all … except for the one big obvious missing piece … love.

On your good days, you know you are a great “catch;” you are a woman of distinction, have our act together and someone would be lucky to have you. However, on your not so good days, which are becoming more and more frequent, you secretly wonder if something is really wrong with you that you are still alone.

You know you “should” be happy and grateful for all that you do have in your life but it’s hard to appreciate it because going to bed alone every night sucks.

Dating after divorce isn’t easy. It’s down right petrifying. These devastating emotions have you feeling defeated and maybe even hopeless. And you are sick and tired of skipping out on your dream vacation, filling your time with work because that is where you feel successful or having intrusive thoughts and fears about being alone forever.



  1. The 3 MUST KNOW seriously devastating mistakes highly successful women make when dating after divorce that scares away the “good guys” and instead attracts the same wrong guy over and over. (This is the biggest reason you are stuck in this negative dating loop.)
  2. The #1 MUST DO if you ever want to meet that one quality compatible partner. This is not negotiable and it’s the main reason divorced women never meet “the one.”
  3. Discover the surprisingly simple and counter-intuitive strategy my clients are using to get the high-quality guys to pursue them and treat them like a prize, so they get into that loving relationship sooner rather than later.


Join Bernadette M. Smith, MCC, expert Dating Mentor for divorced women, for this Master TeleClass Made Easy for You To Attend  (yes you do not need a good hair day or leave the comfort of your own home) Just Contact Me and say You’re In!  You’ll receive all the information you need to jump on this call to join other fabulous singles just like you who are ready to find real love ! A $10.00 donation will be requested to attend.


Participants will be given $25.00 to apply toward any Compatible Connections Service.


Visit our website and collect your 2 Free Download Gifts:

  1. Why You’re Not in a Relationship Yet. This scored assessment tells you why.
  2. What Online Dating Sites Don’t Want You to Know! Why most people fail.



The Secret to Successful Dating After Divorce ~ Having Great Dreams


Not one women I know walked down the isle thinking they were going to be divorced. Not one women I know didn’t have a dream about becoming a “Mrs.”

Although everyone’s divorce story is different, most women regardless, hold on to their dreams. The kind of dreams I want to hear from my clients are the ones that excite them from the moment they wake up in the morning to the time they fall asleep at night. They are dreams made of passion and tenacity. They might be defined as goals, but goals so right that no one need write them down to remember them.

Dating after divorce takes emotional fuel that helps you take control of your life allowing you to express your authentic self.  It doesn’t have to be difficult or petrifying.  All you really need is the right mindset and the dream you left behind.

You’ve all heard the saying “if you can see it you can achieve it.” After years in the dating business, I can say with certainty it’s absolutely true.  A woman without dreams has little real potential to achieving a life purpose that makes her jump for joy. A women with a dream only needs three things to make this happen a commitment, confidence and determination.  What are your dreams you want to chase after?

Moral of the story: A woman with great dreams can achieve great things. A women with small dreams and little confidence to pursue her dreams has consigned herself to a life of frustration and mediocrity.

Let us show you how to never give up and build your field of dreams with Compatible Connections.

Love Your Life after Divorce 8 Tips for Reinventing Yourself

Here are 8 ideas to help you shape your post-divorce life.

It’s over. You’ve signed the divorce papers, and the relationship you entered with so much hope is officially dissolved.
Everyone’s divorce story is different. Maybe you had been married for decades, maybe just a year or so. Maybe you have children, maybe you don’t. Maybe the divorce was your idea and maybe it was your partner’s, or maybe you both agreed that separation was best. Maybe you’re relieved, maybe you’re heartbroken — or a bit of both.
But however you got here, the question now is where do you go from here? And how do you figure out who you are and what you want as a newly single person? What is your new life going to look like, and how do you start moving in that direction?
Here are eight of the first steps that will help you get through this major life transition on your own timetable:

1. Let yourself mourn.
Nobody gets married thinking, “I sure hope we can get divorced someday!” Even if, by the time you split, the divorce was something you wanted, a divorce still represents a loss.
Whatever your marriage and divorce experience has been, there will be emotions that have to do with grief.
You may feel remorse for what you did or didn’t do, or wonder what you did wrong. Don’t dwell on those feelings. Loss is loss. There is an empty space where something once filled it up, even if that something may not have been desirable. But most important, there is no time table for morning. It’s your pace so don’t accept others opinions “Move On,” “You need to get over it,” “It’s Time.” It’s your time to heal this wound. And your time to fill in this gap. Be patient, be kind to yourself and most importantly you don’t have to make meaning of ANYTHING! Accept that some things in life just don’t make sense!

2. Work through your feelings.
Don’t tote that heavy baggage from your previous relationship into your new life. Find a way to work through the lingering emotions from the demise of your marriage. Many women take many different paths to work through their long term marriage and divorce.
That may mean talking out your feelings with a good therapist (get solid recommendations) or join a support group, hire a life coach to get into action, or gather information and reach out to other divorced women. It’s common to sweep these emotions under the table, but you have to work through them or they’ll pollute your life going forward. A book junkie at heart, I’ve always found comfort in books.

3. Learn to like yourself.
That may sound cheesy and New Age-y. But the fact is that many people feel a lot of self-rejection after a divorce.
You might think that there must be something wrong with you if you couldn’t make this relationship work. You have to work on getting confidence and faith in yourself and ability to believe in your own worth. Here’s a great book I read on this subject: Choosing ME before WE Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love. By: Christine Arylo.

4. Rediscover who you used to be.
Especially if you were married for a long time, you may have given up a lot of the things you enjoyed as a single person because they didn’t fit with your “couple-hood.” It’s time to get back in touch with what made you happy as a child and how you spent your free time!

Maybe you loved to go out, but your spouse was a homebody. Maybe you always loved going to the theater but your husband hated it.
What were your hobbies and activities before the marriage? What did you defer in favor of the relationship? Exercising your interest in those again is important to rebuilding yourself.

5. Discover a new side of yourself.
The life-changing period of divorce, though often difficult and unwelcome, holds a silver lining: to shake things up and try on a new lifestyle.
Maybe it’s as simple as a pixie haircut after a lifetime of wearing long, flowing locks. Maybe it’s trying a new sport, considering a different place of worship, or going back to college. Maybe you realize that you’d like to move to a new city or even spend a year living in Paris.
Of course, you can’t just flit away and throw caution to the wind. Chances are, you have some very real considerations — kids (if you’re a parent), a job, and a budget (which may have been hurt by the divorce).
But chances also are that although you might not be able to do whatever your fantasy is, there may be other changes that ARE within your reach. So don’t reject the idea of any change, just because you can’t make every change.
As long as the changes you make are healthy and constructive, these are very appropriate, think about who you want to be — the person you were before the marriage, or maybe a new person? What are some of the things you can do differently?”
Look for changes you can say yes to, instead of dwelling on what’s out of reach.

6. Dare to be alone.
Being alone doesn’t mean being isolated and never seeing anyone. It just means not being coupled up, or in a rush to do so.
Society is much more accepting of singles than even a decade ago, when solo restaurant diners often got the hairy eyeball.
There are more than 30 million people living alone in this country today. That’s a lot of people, and there are a lot of opportunities for social connection. There are possibilities to pick up new friends and enter different kinds of groups that have to do with your interests. The social dimension after a divorce can be very rich.

7. Consider transitional relationships.
This isn’t about rebounding. It’s about considering dating (once you feel ready) outside your comfort zone — someone who’s not your type — without thinking that it has to head toward a permanent relationship.
For example, maybe you’ve always dated people from a certain socioeconomic background, or perhaps you always preferred sensitive musicians, or athletes, or the quiet, shy type. Turn your usual preferences inside out and stretch your dating horizons a bit.

8. Embrace your new roles.
Especially if you were coupled up for a long time, your partner probably handled certain aspects of life while you managed others. Now it’s all up to you. And it’s not likely to go perfectly, but that’s OK.
If your partner was always the one responsible for the money — earning it, managing it, investing it — suddenly you have a whole new realm of learning and responsibility, dealing with those can give you confidence in your own ability.
You don’t have to figure it all out yourself. Look for help.

Even if you make mistakes, like paying too much for a car, you can learn from that experience, mistakes are opportunities to do things differently next time! More importantly, believe in yourself and that you will be OK!

If you want to talk about how I can support you with transitioning after divorce please contact me. Compatible Connections offers free consultations.



How to Master Using Your Intuition – Values + Intuition = Comfort, Ease, Confidence, and Authentic Connections

 Have you ever had an amazing creative idea, or felt moved, almost compelled to do something, but it didn’t work for you like you felt intuitively that it would?

Have you ever had an amazing creative idea, or felt moved, almost compelled to do something, but it didn’t work for you like you felt intuitively that it would?

Have you ever wondered why your Intuition didn’t work?

First you need to know the difference between your Intuition and your logical mind, or what some call your heart and your head. Intuition has absolutely no logic, no meaning, and has no “should” attached to it. This sense, sometimes called your sixth sense, comes in the form of a feeling that moves you and it feels like inspiration, or sometimes is just a knowing.

Once I overheard a conversation with a woman in a cafe because she was speaking about her intuition, because normally I don’t listen to other people’s conversations, and her friend asked her about this big decision she was about to make, “but how do you know?” And do you know what she replied, “I don’t know, I just know.” That’s what intuition feels like. Somehow you know, but there is no reason how you know. It’s intangible.

Intuition is pure creativity without any reason to follow it. It’s a suspicion or hunch, but it’s something that you can’t prove will succeed or be true. And it’s not planning for the future.

So where do people go wrong following Intuition?

#1 Problem

Most people either don’t know their Intuition, or don’t trust their gut-feeling. Why? Because you can’t prove it, it’s intangible so it feels like a risk and that’s when you won’t always act on it, especially when you can’t see the possibilities in your current circumstances.

Some people do know and trust their intuition, and they try to act on it, but their analytical mind comes in and finds the reason why they should follow that feeling. Which leads to problem #2…

#2 Problem

Rather than following the creativity, the idea that has no reason, you find a good or logical reason that is enough to support you to pursue it, but that’s the moment you begin to follow the reason. Instead of acting on the feeling, you act on the logical reason you have now attached to that creativity. But that’s not following your inspiration or intuition, that’s following the reason you’ve found to do it.

The left brain is the part of you that computes, labels and analyzes information. So it always seeks to find understanding and meaning in everything, and it will sneak in to add reason and logic after a creative idea is borne.

When Intuition speaks, it speaks of what is possible for you, but what’s possible becomes so only when acting on the feeling, not because of the logic or meaning that you may have found.

If you follow reason, you are no longer following endless possibilities and you begin chasing the reason why you should do it, which is usually what you believe following the feeling is going to give you in return. That’s following what you love with an agenda to receive something back, and so it’s not following what you love, it’s following what you believe you’ll receive from it.

Instead of acting on the feeling, you act on how much money it’s going to make you, or the business it could create, or how important you could become because of it. This is where it fails and where people get stuck.


Put the love you have for something into what you love for no reason, not into what it’s going to give you in return. Do not follow your heart “because…” Just follow your heart!!

Love and possibilities have no reason or logic. To experience more love and possibilities in all parts of your creative process, even if that is within the relationships you have with others, follow the moment to moment inspirations. Act on the inspiration, not what the inspiration will give you, and you’ll notice that the bigger picture of what you desire unfolds more naturally.

Acting on your heart will give you a sense of purpose and aliveness that acting on reason and logic cannot give you.

That is effortless living. Written by: Amir Zoghi

“Our 5 Secret Laws give you your Core Values. Something you need to understand to find compatible connections. Values + Intuition = Comfort, Ease, Confidence, and Authentic Connections” Coach Bernadette

10 Ways Traditional Rules Can Ruin a Date


Every time you go on a date, your head spins with second guessing everything!  “Rules” on how to act, what to say, when to call him, when to kiss him and how to play “the game.”

Forget the RULES! The real truth is; if you want to meet that one person who absolutely makes you think “this is it” own your true self when you show up! Daters would enjoy the dating process much more if they could relax and do their due diligence before meeting men for the first time.  Learn how to recognize men that are compatible with who you are and what you most want in a relationship.

Here are 10 Rules that can hurt your chances of meeting your Mr. Compatible.

10 Ways Traditional Rules Ruin Dates

  1. They make you less authentic.
    Rules like “Men Love Bitches” have a sneaky way of making us play a game, put on an act and avoid being our true selves. But if you’re dating someone, shouldn’t they, like your true self? This is the first RULE to break! Games have winners and losers. BE the chooser and create your own win-win!
  2. They make you over-think.
    Dating should be fun. But how can you relax when you’re counting the hours between calls, the days between dates, and whether he’s following Rule 1138? Once you create the clarity you need to make the most important decisions of your life, your analytical self will no longer drive your dating destiny.
  3. They’re unrealistic.
    Example: We’ve all heard the rule that you should “never date a co-worker.” Only problem? The rule is blind to reality. 38% of working adults will have an office romance. So, instead of saying “Never Do It,” it’s more helpful to focus on strategies of how to do it well while staying true to yourself.
  4. They weed out people you might actually like.
    Maybe that guy a few cubicles over — or the one who lives across the country — isn’t a practical person for you to date, but since when is love practical? The Rules make you doubt your instinct to take risks, and it’s hard to find love when you’re playing it too safe. In order to meet you match “safe dating” means having your personalized dating plan. Once you understand how to recognize potential compatible men, dating is no longer a chore but something you look forward to!
  5. They make you assume “He’s just not that into you.”
    This rule makes you dump a guy at the first sign of trouble. True, certain red flags mean you should bolt, but sometimes, he just really is that busy. If you knew your Love Language, you would quickly recognize his Love Language and know for sure if he’s really that into you!
  6. The traditional rule of “The man should take her to dinner” can backfire.
    Dinners can be weird. You have no escape, you fret over what you should order and whether it’s in the socially acceptable price range (pasta or steak?), who pays for what? Too much trouble! KISS instead: Keep it simple stupid!  lol
  7. They leech the fun out of dating.
    In the sequel to The Rules, authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider even offer a grid — yes, a grid — that tells you exactly how much time to wait before texting him back, based on when he texts and how old you are. There’s nothing fun about a grid. What feels right for you? When you authentically date, you’ll never give up being YOU to be with someone else. This style of dating ends in disaster.
  8. They’re prudish.
    Okay, let’s address the book’s title: It’s Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: and Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked. No one’s saying that you should hook up on the first date.  However, in order to make an informed decision that’s in your best interest be on the same “relationship page.” People date and sleep around for different reasons. If you are looking for a monogamous relationship stay away from serial daters who go for what they want and leave you. Want to protect your emotional heart? Ask yourself this coaching question: Can I have sex like a man and BE ok with it? Remember not everyone you’ll meet on your dating journey will have the best intentions towards you.
  9. They’re sexist.
    The rules spawn from an era when the woman’s only job was to make sure the meatloaf was ready by 7 p.m., when we didn’t have to worry about nonsense like “equal rights,” when you could puff cigarettes when you’re pregnant and when we had to follow rules like “Find a man who makes more money than you.” Ugh. Successful relationships do not entertain gender bias. Date to succeed and never settle.
  10. They spread fear.
    Most traditional rules are fear-based. You’ll screw it up if you kiss him too soon! He won’t like you if you pursue! Our take is a little more straightforward: Don’t trust The Rules, trust yourself. Once you discover your Core Values you will never second guess yourself, what you most want in a relationship or date randomly! Use the 5 Laws of Compatible Attraction! Here’s how!

You don’t need “The Rules” to land your man. You need to know how to Compatibility Date! If you’re ready, willing, and able to take this challenge; contact us for your FREE consultation.

Don’t Let Your Best Single Years Tick Away! Take this Quiz! And Land Your Man!

We all can agree stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. If you would like to break this cycle, take the next few minutes to answer these brief questions to discover what you can do differently to begin that loving relationship you desire.

Answer as honestly as you can.

True or False

1. Do you feel like you’re a catch but struggle to find a suitable life partner?
2. Does your work consume most of your time?
3. Do you find you have a few opportunities to meet men each day?
4. Do you wonder where all the great guys for you are?
5. Have you tried online dating and given up?
6. Do you have trouble relating to the opposite sex?
7. Have you ever thought that “playing games” is the answer to landing a man?
8. Have you ever thought you were too direct, too honest, or too real on a date?
9. Do you often second guess you own intuition or gut?
10. Do you really believe men do not like strong women?

Add Up Your Score
One point for each “True” answer.

0-3 Points: You should be landing your man anytime soon! Who doesn’t like free stuff? Be sure to grab your two free gifts from Compatible Connections.  For more dating/relationship tips, webinars, free Zoom classes, book reviews, encouragement and empowerment follow Compatible Connections on Facebook. 

Be sure you know your Top 5 Compatibility Traits too! Compatibility is different than Chemistry – although both are vital to a long lasting relationships. Compatibility is a must for lasting intimate love. We all deserve the forever kind of love! If you’re curious about your 5 secret authentic compatible traits needed to align with only compatible partners Go  HERE. 

3 – 6 Points: The main reason fabulous women are still single is because the dating world is difficult and unfortunately many women after divorce don’t know what to do! Random dating doesn’t work and wastes your best single years. Here’s the secret! Do your own homework on the importance of compatibility to sustain long term relationships and marriages. It’s a proven fact and not rocket science! If you’re ready to be a student in Compatibility, Go Here.

If you’re not online dating yet, give it a go and look for compatible partners! If you “think” you’ve tried it and hate it, you’re stuck and holding yourself back from an opportunity that absolutely could introduce you to like minded men. You just need to learn how to recognize potential compatible partners, think like a man, and become the chooser! Take advantage of our free initial consultation and find out what our successful online dating Series Seek, Sort and Select Series is all about – it includes your very own Wing Woman! All of our clients have found ideal matches and many are already married – including me! I married “Match #68!”

6-10 Points: You already know something in your love life isn’t working. Continuing old ways of dating will not bring different results just more frustration while your best single years tick away. Staying stuck isn’t an option. Compatible Connections will guarantee you’ll be dating differently after your very first session! Check out our 5 Secret Law’s Series.

Client’s Success Story: Meet Rachel from LA. Going no where fast, Rachel was swiping right on Coffee Meets Bagel. Frustrated coming to her first 5 Secret Law’s Session she realized random dating wasn’t working and gave it up. Rachel discovered how to recognize perfect strangers in less than 3 minutes and began aligning with like minded men effortlessly. By the time she called into her 5th Secret Law Session with Coach Bernadette, she announced she had known her perfect compatible partner this whole time but never knew it! Once Rachel changed her focus from “her type” to “her compatible soul mate” she contacted a guy friend she’d known since college and began seeing if this could become something more. Her hunches were right! Rachel’s getting married this October!

Moral of the story: What Rachel did differently was she began dating from the inside out discovering her authentic compatibility traits were the “spark” to chemistry and real true love! She understood her perfect match needed to compliment these traits comfortably and Jim a great guy friend came to mind. Commit to learning your authentic compatibility traits and you too can have the love life you truly deserve!

Hope this true love story convinces you to give up random dating. It simply doesn’t work and keeps you on the single’s market much longer than you have to be!

For more free stuff go HERE  “We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” #CompatibleConnections Let us answer your Questions here. True love stories never end!

To new beginnings and lasting relationships!

Coach Bernadette, MCC

Your Expert When It Comes to Dating after Divorce

If Only Divorced Women Knew the TRUTH About Dating Again


Let’s make one thing clear: there are no rules, no list of things to do to land a man in 30 days, and no reason to blame yourself if “he’s just not that into you.” Please throw those dating books away. The truth is people have opinions and hype sells. What other people think about how YOU need to land a man is absolutely absurd. Why? Because they don’t know YOU! And if you think one size fits all, you’re just wrong.

Opposites may attract but eventually they’ll attack!

It’s time to push fear aside, stop listening to opinions and advise, and become a student of compatibility. The “real truth” to what makes men and women click, fall in love, get married and stay married!

You deserve to get it right this time!

I’ve done the research and it shows that if you learn how to align with like minded men, attraction and compatibility just flows and sparks will fly!

So if you’re ready to date and want to enjoy meeting great guys for you, it all begins with knowing what makes you compatible. This is not rocket science but if you put my fool-proof “secret laws” to the test, you’ll get to know men so well you’ll never have another bad date or second guess yourself ever again.

Get Off The Singles Market!

Divorced women are looking for love in all the wrong places and missing out on creating a dating lifestyle that makes her feel confident and excited. If you’re ready to meet some great guys for you, take advantage of my complimentary Discovery Session – It’s all about you!

No more games, gimmicks or airbrushed version of yourself. You’ve been handled the wrong map to finding love. This complimentary call will enlighten you to what needs to be done differently to meet men you would actually like to have a relationship with.

Join our Facebook community and be kept up-to-date with all our latest offerings and news.Online Dating Course and PA Meetup Group Coming This Spring!

Here’s to your new beginnings and lasting happiness! You deserve to get it right this time!  Coach Bernadette

You Can’t Give What You Don’t Already Have

Life doesn’t have to be so difficult. Decisions can come easily. And yes we all deserve REAL true love and happiness. But how do we make this happen? It all begins and ends with knowing and honoring your authentic self. If you’re willing and able; you can have a peaceful life, you can love and be loved, and live a life beyond your wildest imagination.
Once my awesome clients become aware of what makes them unique, powerful and comfortable in their own skin, they are asked to read the 4 Agreements written by don Miguel Ruz. The reason this is so important is because these 4 simple Agreements will keep them accountable to themselves as they begin dating after divorce.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

THE 5TH AGREEMENT – was written by don Miguel Ruiz’s son don Jose Ruiz

Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.
I know we are inundated with social media “feel good” quotes, however, this is truly your shortcut to happiness, love and most of all your path to owning your true authentic self without guilt!
Here’s to new beginnings and lasting loving relationships, Coach Bernadette
Need some help discovering your authentic self? Click Here. 


7 Morning Rituals To Empower Your Day

Many highly successful people have been known to use mini-rituals on a daily basis.
Ancient traditions had understood very clearly the power that rituals have in creating and affirming a desired reality or outcome. One a psychological level, rituals can serve to install a habit or reinforce a belief or particular mindset. It can channel our attention and intention towards a desired goal and then let the subconscious mind work on it while we are busy doing other stuff.
Many highly successful people have been known to use mini-rituals on a daily basis and some would even tell you that it was one of the keys to create their success mindset. Even some athletes and top performers are well known to maintain certain daily rituals as a way to reinforce a certain pattern of thinking and envisioning goals in their mind.
I highly recommend these morning rituals as a way to kick start and empower you for the day ahead. Of course daily rituals can also be done at another time during the day, but morning time seems to work best as it helps you to subconsciously act on them as you go through your day, thus transforming a potentially ‘bad’ day into a awesome one. I also suggest that if you choose to use more than one ritual, you reinforce the habit of doing one before starting another.
OK here we go…
Jot Down your Most Important Tasks
This is a very practical ritual. Start your day by identifying and writing down from one to three of the most important tasks you need to complete during that day. These tasks are ones that support important long-term goals that are aligned to your purpose, passion or general direction in life. For example, if writing a book or building an online community are important long term goals which are aligned to your personal growth, then an important task for the day might be finishing off a particular page or two of the book or coming up with fresh content ideas for the online community. What is important in this ritual is that you identify these tasks and complete them as early in the day as possible. Of course you will have other tasks apart from the ones you will write down but these are tasks that can be tackled later or batched up and carried out in one go.
Writing your most important tasks in the morning helps you focus your day and life according to what is essential. It helps you prioritize and manage your time better. As a result, you simplify your life by applying your focus and energy on what really counts for your overall life progress.
Script your Goals in Writing or Drawing
This is similar to the previous idea but different in its application and purpose. Writing down your most important tasks of the day is a way to have a concrete structure of action to follow. Affirming your goals, on the other hand, is a very powerful way of crystallizing your vision and goals in life into your everyday mental space. Writing down or doodling your goals on a piece of paper helps you externalize those goals by giving them form. In return they are reflected back in your subconscious mind thus reinforcing them and integrating them more wholly.
An example of this would be writing down “I am achieving greater success in my career” or “I am becoming healthier and stronger through my exercise”. Notice the present tense being used as a way to tell yourself you are in the process already. Remember the life script we subconsciously follow? You are basically modifying the script to be applied now in the present. Drawing or doodling can be equally, or even more, effective (if you are more of a visual person) as it summarizes a graphical representation of your goals. For example, if your goal is to build a new house or live in another country, you can draw the house or draw things that symbolize the country you want to live in.
Booting up your Energy with Qi Gong Exercises
According to Chinese philosophy, Qi (pronounced ‘Chee’) means the life force or energy inherent in all things and Qi Gong is the practice to cultivate and circulate that energy in your body. This may sound esoteric or complicated but actually Qi Gong is really a set of simple exercises aimed at increasing your health and vitality. There are numerous forms and practices available for free through the online media. As a morning ritual I recommend simple exercises by Qi Gong master Lee Holden.
Hot Water with Lemon
Simply add a slice of lemon in a glass of hot water and drink every morning. This is a very simple ritual I follow faithfully every morning. Essentially, apart from being a good source of vitamin C and a great way of flushing out toxins in the morning, it balances and maintains the PH levels in the body, reduces pain and inflammation in joints and knees and helps nourishing brain and nerve cells. Here are some more benefits of drinking hot water with lemon.
Feeling Gratitude
Feeling gratitude and appreciation for those little signs and moments of joy happening in your life is probably one of the most overlooked or underestimated rituals. It is a perfect morning ritual to start your day on a very positive key. The real power of gratitude is that it makes you pick out and focus on what is working in your life – what is in tune with your being as a whole. It is selectively positive. It reinforces happiness and positivity by shedding light on those awesome things, small or big that grace your every day living. Quite often we just pick out the pain points, the problems, the bottlenecks, whatever it is that is not working in our life and causing friction, anxiety and unhappiness. This is like constantly rewriting the script of your life with a negative or tragic overtone. Your subconscious mind follows faithfully that script you write whether it is a negative or positive one.
So feeling gratitude is undoubtedly an immensely empowering ritual. Start your day by being thankful for those positive things that happened the previous day or throughout the week. It could be something really petty and small. It doesn’t matter. You might be grateful for an unexpected visit from an old friend, a beautiful encounter with a kind stranger, a new opportunity or whatever it is that shines your way. Do it every morning and see what happens during the day.
Rise Earlier
The practical advantages are obvious. For example you gain more time in doing exercise such as walking, cycling or Qi Gong as suggested above. You gain more time to be with yourself to reflect, meditate or, more importantly, carry out the other morning rituals! So rising early can be seen as a foundation for all the other morning rituals. Many, like myself, find that they are more productive in the early hours of the day. Also, various studies have shown that there are many other benefits from waking up an hour or two earlier in the morning. For example it has been shown that sleeping early and waking up early helps the body attune with the earth’s circadian rhythms thus promoting more restorative sleep. Other curious results from such studies show for instance that early risers tend to be more optimistic and can anticipate and solve problems more efficiently than the norm.
Listen to Uplifting Music
In itself this ritual is a no-brainer. Uplifting music can have a direct impact on our mood especially in the morning. It charges us emotionally and tunes us into a more positive outlook of the day ahead. Most people wake up to music or listen to music as they commute to work. Very often however they tune in to a radio or randomly pick a playlist from their device. Being more selective and conscious of the music you listen to in the morning can have a great impact on your day and life in general. Try to listen to more uplifting music in the morning even if, or especially if, your mood does not dictate so. It’s funny how we try to choose music according to our mood. For example if you are feeling down or disappointed by something, you are more prone to listen to music that reflects that mood – for instance blues, sad songs or down-tempo music. This has the effect of reinforcing that mood. What you need to do is the exact opposite and re-tune your mood by listening to music that beats to a different tune with that mood.
By: Gilbert Ross
Coaching Challenge:
Do you feel like you are chasing your days and there’s never enough time? Pick a few of these ideas and see if you don’t experience more peace, clarity and focus! I know I do! Coach Bernadette