Steve Harvey Quote: “When a man approaches you or dates you he has a plan. He wants to sleep with you or to find out what it takes to sleep with you.”
Coach Bernadette’s Quote: Every man has a GPS! Girl Positioning System!
While you can’t apply a one-size-fits-all response to a sexual Dating Plan, regardless of age or experience, professionals who have studied the topic say it is a good idea to develop a Dating Plan – before the big date.
Dating Plan: Why Wait?
By and large, most medical experts and other relationship experts endorse a cautious approach to the Dating Plan regarding sex.
Having and following a Dating Plan may seem obvious, but many people tend to forget in the heat of the moment. We all have basic “Needs” and want basically the same things. However, women put themselves in harms way when they cross this line prematurely.
Most women have a hard time removing the emotions from the mix. Men seem to have a much easier time with this – as this experience can be more mechanical than emotional for them. Call it a Mars and Venus thing. Or as Steve Harvey puts it: When a man approaches you or dates you he has a plan. He wants to sleep with you or to find out what it takes to sleep with you.
Other experts agree that sex too-soon can lead to undesirable consequences.
Coach Bernadette who teaches her clients The Secret Laws of Compatible Attraction, claims “It becomes much more difficult to objectively see each other’s character traits.” Some couples then slide into engagement and marriage only to discover they have missed seeing major aspects of each other. Our divorce rate speaks to this mishap.
Be on the same relationship page: Talk First, Act Later
While not every dating scenario that involves sex leads to marriage or even a serious relationship, couples do owe it to themselves to talk about where they see their relationship going and how sex might change the relationship — before they get in bed together. Marriage isn’t for everyone either is monogamy. There needs to be a conversation up front. The woman may assume sex implies a commitment; the man may not see it that way. It would be safe to say don’t make assumptions; it can create disappointments in the end.
Stay True to Yourself and What You Most Want:
Having an honest conversation with yourself about sex is just as important as discussing it with your partner, experts say.
“Every woman and man should know their boundaries before they start dating, and most of us don’t,” says Cheryl McClary, PhD, JD, professor of women’s health at University of North Carolina-Asheville.
When McClary refers to boundaries, she’s not talking just about the physical boundaries that come with sexual territory. She’s also referring to emotional boundaries. Emotional wholeness is crucial to the decision process of whether or not to have sex.
To that end, McClary often tells women, “If you value a committed relationship, ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do to stay emotionally whole?’”
When directing her advice on dating rules to a male audience, McClary puts things a little differently. “Make sure your brain, heart and penis are in conjunction – they should all be in a straight line before you have sex,” she says.
McClary believes all daters should invest the same amount of time conducting these ‘self’ conversations about personal dating rules as they do primping before a big date. She also says the conversation, like the primping, should happen at the same time — before that big date.
“Think about your sexual boundaries before you’ve had that first drink,” McClary advises.
“Stay true to yourself no matter what.” is a “Coach Bernadette” line she preaches to her clients. Don’t let seduction or manipulation lead you into making wrong decisions that do not serve you in the BIG picture. And by all means do not make assumptions.
Stick to your personal script of “Connecting Questions” to see if you are on the same relationship page. If not, move on. Stay true to who you are and what you most want in that ideal relationship you certainly desire and deserve. Ask questions to get you there.
Dating is a Practical Matter – Use your Head
Once you’ve decided what you want out of a date, say experts, you should make it part of your regular Dating Plan to tell your partner. Coach Bernadette reminds her clients people date for all different reasons and the online dating business speaks to this. Online Dating Magazine estimates that there are more than 2,500 online dating services online in the U.S. Alone, with 1,000 new online dating services opening every year. That doesn’t include dating apps. Daters beware!
“If you just want a one-night stand, you owe it to your partner to tell them ‘it’s just sex I’m after,’” McClary states. While a dating partner may not welcome this news, it at least can minimize later disappointments.
So, too, does an up-front conversation about sexually transmitted diseases. (STDs) Have you ever had an AIDs test? Remember you are sleeping with everyone that came before you!
“The risks of STDS have got to be discussed and prevented from spreading.” McClary suggests to definitely use condoms, even if you’re in a committed relationship.”
Concern about STDs and unwanted pregnancies can help create sexual boundaries, believes McClary. If, for instance, you’re on the fence about whether or not to take sexual activity to the next level, a healthy dose of fear may cause you to pause, particularly if you’re not prepared to take the necessary precautions. Plus, not having adequately prepared for these practical aspects of sex may signal an overall non-readiness to engage in it.
At some point during their courtship, many dating couples decide its time to break down initial boundaries — be they emotional, physical, or both — and engage in a sexual relationship. If both people are playing by the same dating rules, sex can serve as the gateway to a consensual, committed relationship. But only if you are both on the “same” relationship page. Steve Harvey’s book Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man speaks to a 90 day rule. Bottom line? Make him wait to see if he’s going to stick around. Find out if he’s compatible and honorable. A man always has a plan so act accordingly.
Marriage is not for everyone. Protect your heart by staying true to yourself ask “Connecting Questions” in a “fun lite and flirty” way to get to know the men you date BEFORE committing to a monogamous relationship. Know when it is in your best interest to move on. If you are ready for real love, sex will always be a part of the equation. Decide first what you most want in a relationship and how you see yourself 5 – 10 years down the road. Than wait for the guy who aligns with your deepest desires. It’s worth it. Promise.
How do men react when they’re told “no”?
When a man asks for sex, and he’s told no, his reaction to that “no” will tell you everything you need to know about him. If the phone calls cease or become infrequent, the flowers stop coming, the dating slows down, please understand that this man was just in it for the sex. Nothing personal. It’s not about you. Men are men and they do what they do. Just remember: Don’t give up being you to be with someone else. You deserve true love.
How to know who’s right and avoid who’s wrong!
Coach Bernadette trains her clients in the art of asking irresistible insightful questions that connect compatible partners instantly. They’re fun, lite, and flirty which men love. They get a fun loving conversation going and men “think” it’s all about them when in fact she is listening for compatibility and if she would like a second date!
Bernadette’s passionate about compatibility. She’s written two books to simplify and expedite the elimination process. Successful singles skip the small talk on dates and discover what men are really thinking using her unique revealing “connecting questions.” All of her clients meet men that are worth their time quickly. Every question answered will give you a deeper meaning of what men value, what they seek in a relationship and what they most want in life. Are you ready to give up your single status? Connecting questions will lead you to only compatible partners. It saves you time and protects your heart.
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Most divorced women are petrified at the thought of dating. They haven’t been on a date in years, and they have no idea where to begin. Compatible Connections is a boutique coaching firm that works exclusively with divorced women. My firm’s services teach our clients how to become confident, conscious daters. My firm’s mission is to help every woman we work with find the love of their life after divorce. We guarantee our Services. Schedule a complementary 20 minute discovery session. In one short phone call, we’ll answer any questions you might have and learn more about you and your unique situation. Here’s to finding the love of your life! Bernadette M. Smith, MCC, Founder Compatible Connections